Thursday, May 11, 2006

Why I don't usually like marriage books

I love books. I've read as many as possible. And since before I was married , I read as many books on the subject as I could. Truth be told, almost 13 years after Neil and I married, I am not too fond of marriage books. Even good, Biblical ones. Here's why:
Most marriage books are written for the couple. That means the both of you have to want to read the same book. You have to discuss the book. You have to be on the same wave length about what is good or not so good about your marriage. But in my observations on marriages, mine and other's, rarely are the couples thinking the same things at the same time. If they were, they wouldn't need a marriage book!
Here's the biggest problem for me. When I read in a book that "she needs to do this, and he needs to do that", that's great, except for the fact that I'm the only one reading the book. I say I'll do my part, but then I begin to resent that fact that I'm trying to make things better, and he doesn't even seem to care. I feel alone in my desire maintain a good marriage. This is definitely Stinkin' Thinkin'. I get all worked up at what he isn't doing or thinking or saying, and he has no clue why I'm upset! That is totally unfair to the men.

Now, this is also why I like Created to be his Help Meet and The Power of a Praying Wife. They tell us what a woman can do on her own, to improve or repair a marriage. Stormie Omartian is a blessing to me. She carefully tells her story, without disrespecting her husband. And yet manages to share her struggles with a difficult man. She knows how to make a marriage better, even if the efforts are one-sided. Especially if the efforts are one-sided. Remember, God loved us even though we were his enemies.

If you have a favorite marriage book, let me know!



Mrs.B. said...

I also like 'Created To Be His Helpmeet', but my ALL TIME FAVOURITE book is by Keepers of the Faith and it's called:

"Are You Serious About Marriage?"

They used to have a magazine and it's the articles that were in it.

I like it because of what you said, it is directed towards the both don't need to read it. Now there are a few chapters that her husband writes but it's still directed towards the woman.

It's Mrs. R's and my favourite marriage book and it's only $8.95.

Blessings to you Rhonda!

Susan said...

I've read both Created to be His Help Meet and The Power of a Praying Wife. More that I've read and enjoyed:

A Wife's Purpose, by Cindy Schaap

Woman, the Assembler, by Beverly Hyles

Life, As Viewed from the Goldfish Bowl (for ministry wives), Beverly Hyles

The Mrs. Ministry, by Cathy Corle

With Heart and Hand, by Bobbie Yearick and Beneth Jones (this one is geared toward how to handle the ministry, but it has great principles in it for personal life and for being a wife and mother, in addition to being in the ministry)

Rhonda said...

Hello, Mrs B, always an honor to have you read my blog!

Susan, I haven't read those books, but a did read a book by Cathy Corle about dress. It was very good. Thanks for the ideas. It is hard to balance being a wife and a ministry wife. Some ministry wives work as much or more than a career women, then justify it, saying that they are serving the Lord. It is a challenge!
Thanks a lot!

Bethanie said...

I read a book called "His Needs Her Needs" a while back. It was pretty good for a secular book. Anyway, I had that same problem. Every other chapter was for a woman and the other was for a man. I would read the wife chapter and really learn something, then I would go ahead and read the husband chapter and get all bent out of joint about what it said he should be doing. "Hey why aren't you doing this...or that?!" After a couple of husband chapters I stopped reading them becuase they were causing me to start fights with him.
We definatly shouldn't be focused on trying to tell our husbands his business. That'll just cause resentment and arguements. We just need to worry about ourselves.
Thanks for bringing that up. Funny!

Rhonda said...

Bethanie, thats exactly the book I found disturbing.
Glad to know I'm not the only one!